It's Confusing

We've been dealing with passive aggressive behavior with BB for... well, he's been this way his whole life, apparently. From what PC says. But since I'm the full-time stay-at-home parent now, I'm the one dealing with it on an everyday basis. 

But lately, LM has been showing the more and more passive aggressive behaviors as well.

Just between you and me... I HATE passive aggressive behavior. Emotional manipulation is just wrong. And the underhanded sneaky stuff is even more abhorred in my books.

So. What to do about it? 

When it's sneaky stuff, I'm really not sure what to do. Outright disobedience is one thing. This underhanded disrespect and attempt to force a superior into your wishes... well... I don't know how to handle it.

Do I call it what it is? Even when it's hard to define? And start making a big deal of it, even when sometimes I might jump to the wrong conclusions? 

If anyone has an idea of a book or other resource that might help me wade through this, please send me a note. Or, if you have experience dealing with this in your own kiddos, I'd very much appreciate some input here.